I am not enough

they said if our heart has hardened when we have an obstacle, it's because we are depending on ourself instead of Him. Time by time we would become inhumane. I would either put high my ego to avoid the hurt or crying profusely to let it go. This time I am choosing the latter. Life in these few months are like a dream, a fairytale. But this is World, the more we are chasing the contents, the more they would run away from us. Until we turn back our heart to Him. If I want to follow my heart, I would go on, but my heart would be full of doubt and insecurity. I would become cold again. This is not the time for that. They say that a strong people would forgive, the intelligent one would ignore. I want to take my time to ignore. I want to open a new chapter. I did many sins, my faith and sincerity are insufficient to overcome the hurt in this chest because of the incident. One thing in my mind, I am never enough, i am not worthy to live in my Isle of Skye fairytale. My life is still early and death would come anytime. I just want to repent, so that Allah would allow my heart to be big enough for myself and the one. I choose to be devastated now rather than being in regret later. I want to go back to my family, make they live a lively life. Meeting the less fortunate would change my mind, would make me thinking that my life is not bad enough. I just pray in the future, whatever situation I am thrown into, I would be a bold one to move on rather being a coward who keeps running. I want to be the one who can give without expecting any return. Allah loves me, that's why I am thrown into this heartbreaking moment so that I would go back to him. And I just choose to cry, so that tomorrow would be better for me =) p/s: Don't be sad if Allah separates us from something or someone we love. If only we knew what His plans were for us, our hearts would melt with the warmth of His love.