Wednesday, May 4, 2011


Have you ever traveled before?

I have undergone a journey of 22years, going from one phase to other phases of life.

In each phase, there are many people I'd meet. As I am scrolling FB pictures ( my weekly routine as I have very much time around), I see the changes from one phase to other phase of people's Life. We used to hear that a picture can describe more than 1000 words. So for me, few pictures that I have looked at told me some of the ideas what has happened to them.

Ignoring the fact that the people I have met have their own principles. sometimes the principles diminish over time. I ask myself, 'Why they lost it?'... I'm confused... I'm trying to figure out this fact..

I just know one thing. If you hold yourself tightly to His rope, He will be there for you. Even you are drown into sorrow and ignorance, He will take care of you. Because of what? Because He wants the best for ya. He put yourself in unpleasant situations, sometimes you are drowning in a place with a blurred path, sometimes you got yourself to enjoy this so-short Halawatul Dunia... sometimes you hurt other people.. and you yourself are left with your heart broken..

My heart have been broken so many times since I was young. Everyone have their own story. What has happened to my family, my childhood, my so-called love and bla3.... these experiences teach me to be stronger. I thought the only way for me to survive is by being strong. I've built an inner wall around myself, try to act tough but deep inside my heart, I was emotionally suffocated. What is the purpose of me living in this painful Life. I used to commit suicide but suddenly my intention was halted because I did not want to be thrown into Hell.

I thought I wasn't able to make any difference. I just went on with my Life. I became a top student at my High School but there were many haters that kept judging me. I didn't know their problem. It was just that I was so outspoken that many people were hurt.

I was lost. sometimes I'm waiting in the dark alone, behind my hostel, thinking that I would find a solution that would calm my heart. However the tranquility was not found. I really wanted to run from this catastrophe, to slow down this mess.. I was undecided.

Until when I went to KMB.. I met a girl, she is the one who teach me everyone can change.. Everyone can pass the hardship and obstacles. I saw how she transformed from a gothic girl to a cool, plain girl. She tried to spread what she'd got to people around her, including me.

When the other people judged me, saying that I was a hard nut to crack, she didn't give up on me. She still the same person, but with a definite purpose of Life. She took my hand, brought me to view life in a broader picture.

we separated.. She is now in Ireland while I'm studying in this kangaroo country. I will remember her until Death. thank you very much for being there with me. I used to hate her because I thought she is so busybody to care about my life in which I feel so annoyed. I think I used to make her cry. I used to condemn her but still, she was there with me. She is not my so-close friend, I am still a loner until now.

But Allah, thank you for giving me a chance to meet her. I've seen how she make the world as a better place to live in. She started to change herself and then spread the message to others. She made it clearer that in everything we are doing, we do it for the sake of Him. I learn that in time we meet people with unpleasant manners, we are there to be there with them, communicate, not totally judge them as Sinful people. I am still in learning process. I still make mistake but I learn to repent..

And it is important for us to be neutral instead of pinpointing people's mistake. Who are us to determine what is right or what is wrong? I am trying to be with as many people as possible, while I am traveling in this earth, seeking His forgiveness for what I had been doing wrong. I know He will ceaselessly test me, breaking the wall that i had built over 20years, making me crying a river(harharhar) and so on.. but i don't care.. I want to rest in Heaven.. then the pain that I was inflicted upon is insignificant in comparison to the happiness that I will enjoy in Hereafter.

So guys, let we make a difference. stop judging people. be there with them.. make the problems that we have as a chance for us to strengthen our Wisdom.. and one more, never ever give up and let's we leave no stone unturned from today.

p/s : may Allah always bless ya!!!


thuraiya said...

salam tik,

really missing u right know. still remember some of those times we spent together. i reckoned i was one of those who hurt u. i'm sorry for everything that had happened and sorry if i made things hard for u before.

be strong always. i know u can, i seen u grew. i believe u can. never let go of Him and may we meet in His Paradise...hope that ALLAH will tie our heart together with His guidance. nothing can tie hearts together not even the whole world. only His will.

missing u,
ukhtuki fillah

pendekar mata hati said...

Salam Enol,

no worries la.. I learn so much la by being with you.. Thank you for being patient with my stubbornness. I don't keep any bitter feeling towards you. it's just that the conflicts that had arisen between us before is one of the way for Allah to teach us...

Love you ^-6